Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
