none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This is not my ceiling
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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