im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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