i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He called his prostate his "boner button".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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