Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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