sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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