Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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