Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
