Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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