The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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