Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
