Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
