when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
did you just send me my own nude
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
