All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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