oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize