you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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