READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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