guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
