hotel room ftw
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
