I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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