Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize