dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
