You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
