my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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