dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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