Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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