Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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