the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
