I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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