Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
