im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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