You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
