I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
