Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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