i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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