Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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