No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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