Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
