he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
