Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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