I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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