yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
