This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
