I bet he comes in French.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
