pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
