We're facebook friends in real life
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize