Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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