Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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