sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
