U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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