Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
