whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize