At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
