I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
