lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
