mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
