I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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