once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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