Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize