Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
