You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
