Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
