I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
