I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
