Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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