Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
