this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize