Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
