If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
