I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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