She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
