i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
