She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
