My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
