I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
