toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize