I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
