Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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