Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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