Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and she was petting her beer can
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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