Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
vagina is talking i cant
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
