im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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