Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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