I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
