First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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