Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize