What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
