How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize