im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
