We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
