Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
