At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
