I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
