I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
