Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
