By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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