Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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