And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize