You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
