I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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